A window into my normally deficient, rude and crude, intelligent and brilliant, humorous and grotesque brain.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I'm having a baby!

So my wife calls me at work last week. I'm in the middle of negotiating a deal with a difficult client and refereeing an arguement between two co-workers. But when I saw it was her, i felt the need to answer. She whispers "I'm pregnant".....amid the buzz and chaos, I couldn't really hear her the first time. I asked her to repeat it. "I'm pregnant".....and that's when the brick in my head fell into my stomach and my nuts shriveled up like raisins. I asked if she was sure and she said she was. It wasn't our first time being prego, so it's not like I've never experienced the sensation of viewing my future as a father. But before we were just dating...i wasn't sure if there was a future at all with this girl. Now, we're married and own a house and 2 dogs and......well, you get it. The time is right. But as much as I want this to happen, I'm really sad to let go of our "party lifestyle" Long weekends of intoxication, sleeping in til all hours of the day, escaping the world while lying on our couch motionless for 13 hours straight. Basically, living a very SELFISH life. Well most people LOVE being selfish. It's just normal, isn't it? So now we're looking at the future. She won't be able to drink or smoke, which means I will need to respect that and not drink or smoke around her. She will be bitchy, emotional and needy, and I'll need to be the good husband and take care of her every whim. It's unfortunate that I'm using the me/she description, but in all reality, I'm just a spectator in all this. I watch as her belly grows and tits balloon out to the size of the Goodyear Blimp. I'm on the sidelines.....she's in the game. More to come later....

I'm having a baby!

So my wife calls me at work last week. I'm in the middle of negotiating a deal with a difficult client and refereeing an arguement between two co-workers. But when I saw it was her, i felt the need to answer. She whispers "I'm pregnant".....amid the buzz and chaos, I couldn't really hear her the first time. I asked her to repeat it. "I'm pregnant".....and that's when the brick in my head fell into my stomach and my nuts shriveled up like raisins. I asked if she was sure and she said she was. It wasn't our first time being prego, so it's not like I've never experienced the sensation of viewing my future as a father. But before we were just dating...i wasn't sure if there was a future at all with this girl. Now, we're married and own a house and 2 dogs and......well, you get it. The time is right. But as much as I want this to happen, I'm really sad to let go of our "party lifestyle" Long weekends of intoxication, sleeping in til all hours of the day, escaping the world while lying on our couch motionless for 13 hours straight. Basically, living a very SELFISH life. Well most people LOVE being selfish. It's just normal, isn't it? So now we're looking at the future. She won't be able to drink or smoke, which means I will need to respect that and not drink or smoke around her. She will be bitchy, emotional and needy, and I'll need to be the good husband and take care of her every whim. It's unfortunate that I'm using the me/she description, but in all reality, I'm just a spectator in all this. I watch as her belly grows and tits balloon out to the size of the Goodyear Blimp. I'm on the sidelines.....she's in the game. More to come later....

I'm having a baby!

So my wife calls me at work last week. I'm in the middle of negotiating a deal with a difficult client and refereeing an arguement between two co-workers. But when I saw it was her, i felt the need to answer. She whispers "I'm pregnant".....amid the buzz and chaos, I couldn't really hear her the first time. I asked her to repeat it. "I'm pregnant".....and that's when the brick in my head fell into my stomach and my nuts shriveled up like raisins. I asked if she was sure and she said she was. It wasn't our first time being prego, so it's not like I've never experienced the sensation of viewing my future as a father. But before we were just dating...i wasn't sure if there was a future at all with this girl. Now, we're married and own a house and 2 dogs and......well, you get it. The time is right. But as much as I want this to happen, I'm really sad to let go of our "party lifestyle" Long weekends of intoxication, sleeping in til all hours of the day, escaping the world while lying on our couch motionless for 13 hours straight. Basically, living a very SELFISH life. Well most people LOVE being selfish. It's just normal, isn't it? So now we're looking at the future. She won't be able to drink or smoke, which means I will need to respect that and not drink or smoke around her. She will be bitchy, emotional and needy, and I'll need to be the good husband and take care of her every whim. It's unfortunate that I'm using the me/she description, but in all reality, I'm just a spectator in all this. I watch as her belly grows and tits balloon out to the size of the Goodyear Blimp. I'm on the sidelines.....she's in the game. More to come later....